Just a thought...
Ever since 9-11, I can't tell the New York City skyline from the Canadian border.
Am I the only one with this problem?
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:17 AM
You ever have that "special ed" kid in your class thats always asking other students how to do stuff that they can't ask the teacher because the kid doesn't want the teacher to know that they don't know have a clue? This kid usually has a blank stare with carefully timed intervals of nodding to feign understanding the subject. The kid only answers the most obvious questions so they can get a few participation points. And the rest of the time you catch this kid half sleeping in class?
I'm that kid.
Posted by TastyKeish at 4:00 AM
SAKE, now that's some good shit...
It was a damn good weekend. I went our with some friends, one male one female (trust me this will matter later). We hit a club where we started the drinkin right away and we had the ill discount. So it was like stealing, which made it better. My guy friend had me the "toothless fairy" on arm and my homegirl on the other. Instantly putting the other men in the club at attention. He was mackin! He sucked face with my friend and danced with me, WHO else can do that but someone I know! None of you bitches, that's for sure. Aight, let me chill, He wasn't the onLy one mackin though. YOUR's Truly had her pimp game down to an art. This sexy bastard right here was putting away free drinks like it was none of my business...
Next, my friends and I hit the Japanese food spot. My homeboy and I quickly chose some prime sake and continued the task of getting "shitfaced" drunk. I'm not sure but we probably disrespected some Japanese people talking whatever loud shit we were talking. I noticed my boy and my homegirl gettin real cozy, trying to be cute, lying to each other, making out. I'm like cool, "More food for me!". We finish up, pay the bill and decide to have another beer at her hotel room.
This is where my judgement got clouded.
We all get to her place, I'm drinking, we all chatting, they all dry humping. I'm still cool, I just sit there. Every minute that passed was like falling deeper and deeper into a porno. I went to the bathroom to watch the walls spin and these whores are under the covers. At this point I'm like "Fuck it, take your clothes off, you gonna be hot under there with 'em on". So I try to ignore them but the soberness starts to set in and I steal some pillows and a blanket and exile myself to the hallway.
But it got weird, they started makin nasty and I was intrigued and freaked out like when you catch your parents. The bed was all like creakin and squeakin and like 30 seconds later (i'm not sure if you went for more rounds homeboy but that first round was quick), there was a lull in the action and I took the chance to get the fuck outta there faster than a soldier held hostage in Iraq.
Had they invited me along for the "ride", this would be a different post...
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:22 AM
Chew on This....
My dog's name is Meatloaf.
Meatloaf was f-ing his girlfriend, a stuffed frog on the couch.
My mom was convinced that meatloaf would hurt himself because all he wanted to do was fuck the frog all night, so she took it away. She said his dick was getting hard and red and it might be painful.
I was thinking, you have three kids shouldn't you know the principles of dog sex? To me it's pretty much the same as people sex.
If it hurt so much he wouldn't fuck the stuffing out of the frog. And when my boyfriend gets hard and red, he wouldn't try to fuck the stuffing outta me.
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:33 AM
No, I don't have a headache...
You ever forget to have sex with your boyfriend and remember when you get your period? And he wants to "do it" and your like: "Hey buddy, not fresh." But you let him get the cookie, just cause when he turns on the light you can see the John Bobbit look on his face while you wipe the knife off on the pillowcase.
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:06 AM
My Lucky Day....
So I got lazy? Missed a day. Didn't write that much the day before. So What??!?!
Now that, that's out of the way I shall commence.
I went for my post-op visit today and I got that pasty packing off of my teeth and gums (you might have to scrutinize the pic from the other post) and lo and behold, I had like one tooth left on the right side. "What the hell is that about?", you say. I'm glad you asked... The doctors so nonchalantly explained that my tooth fell out because it was weak in that area. NICE. Nice of them to tell me afterwards that I would look like a hillbilly freak without a dental plan. Half of which is true, I am a hillybilly freak.
They say that a woman knows in the first 10 minutes of a date whether or not she'll keep seeing a guy. That's true. The question is: If you don't like him do you continue dating and letting him pay or do you stop seeing him?
I like to keep it simple, If I know I'm gonna blow him, I'll let him pay, If I don't like him, I'll let him pay.
Do you want to see a pic of my one tooth? Or perhaps you have a problem with me blowing strangers that buy me McDonalds? Leave a comment.
Posted by TastyKeish at 7:47 PM
I was in bed this morning, maybe it was this afternoon.
I think I was in a coma.
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:51 AM
Did I Flush?
Today was the first day back to school for me, everyone said i shouldn't have gone but Texas Justice and The Montell Williams Show just wasn't cutting it. So after heavily self medicating myself, I went to school. Honestly, I kept having nightmares that if I didn't go to this one particular class I would be whipped about the rear end by textbooks. Not whipped about the rear end by magazines like I usually enjoy. Anyway, I took my grandfather's cane...I mean my "sympathy stick" to class with me hoping for a couple extra points on the quiz we had today. Disregard the fact that I might need it, I'm totally superficial. Oh, If you're wondering why I "borrowed" my grandafther's cane, I figured "hey, he's dead, so it's pretty much up for grabs."
Another thing that I felt like sharing was the reappearance of my bowel movement. I know, i know "CONGRATULATIONS!" But really, after a couple days on a liquid/soft diet you start to realize that the amount of poo made directly corrolates to the amount of solid food one eats. And when a cool girl like me finally drops a load down the porcelain throne after a couple days, one tends to be excited kinda like your period after a pregnancy scare. So.........CONGRATULATE ME! (u can leave your best wishes in the comment section of this blog, they are greatly appreciated)
On a more serious note, every poo is like a newborn child, it's ugly but you wanna cuddle it anyway, don't let those moments goto waste. Thank you.
Posted by TastyKeish at 11:31 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I met someone new, his name is Darvoset. He's small thick and bright orange, much like the penis of an "Ompaloompa" from Willy Wonka, and much like a penis, he is a temporary source of comfort. HE IS A PAINKILLER. And I love him for that, all the "mom baths" in the world cannot measure up to the floating, brain being infiltrated by colorful entities. It was later I realized that the colorful entities were a result of falling asleep with the Cartoon Network on.
But that's where the honeymoon ends, one of the side effects is that all I do is drool. I'm not talking that cute baby gurgle type drool. I'm talking zombified patient in a mental hospital and no napkin nearby drool. For my haitian compatriots, you know it's bad when you have a bucket by the bed like your grandma. You know your grandma has a bucket, don't lie! (And she doesn't just spit in it either).
So as I write this, I fall in and out of a phallic inspired sleep filled with saliva buckets and very scary mornings waking to the Powder Puff Girls..........I bid you adieu
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:35 AM
I was more swollen two days ago, but I didnt want to scare anyone. Oh that pasty shit in my mouth is something for the healing, that's another story....
Posted by TastyKeish at 11:17 PM
So I just got my face cut open..............
This is my first blog, so it's only right that we talk about my surgery this past Thursday....
I went to the hospital to have my bone graft done, they took the bone from my hip and put it into my face. I should have known that this would take more than a weekend to heal, but I believed the doctors when they said I would be able to take on the war in Iraq by Monday.
Unfortunately, I had to call President Bush and tell him I couldn't make it because my face is swollen like when Ike beat Tina. The President said they would get along without me, since they already have a token black female on their team, Condelezza Rice. So I was like "cool", I'll get back to drinking my food since I'm on a soft diet and letting my mom bathe me for the first time since I was maybe 4, or 16...something like that.
You're probably wondering why my mom is bathing me at the age of 23, she say's it because I might fall in the tub, cause of my hip. I say it's because she really wants to have a closer mother-daughter relationship, if you know what I mean... I can't blame her though, i'm pretty hot.
Should I post a pic of what I look like post surgical? you make the call
Posted by TastyKeish at 4:54 PM
No blogroll yet, but it's on its way!