Greetings from the Sunshine State...
I woke up the other day, wiped the spit from my face and flipped the pilliow over, kind of stinking, with no job, and not really looking for any propects and had a thought. I thought "I will goto Florida". The thought was also propelled by a burning desire...in my pants. And what better way to "extinguish" the fire by going to see my boyfriend? I whipped out my credit card, since i'm cash impaired and thanks to the good people at JetBlue Airlines, 3minutes and a one way ticket later, I was on my way. When I got here i told my b/f that I was visiting under the stipulation that he would send my ass back when I got bored or when we have a big fight. I wonder which one comes first?
In the coming days I will regale you with stories of my boyfriend's parents. They're........different.
Posted by TastyKeish at 10:40 AM
Snow= Touching Oneself...
Over on the Eastcoast we had a blizzard this weekend.
It was the type of the thing that makes you stay in and watch TV or go online. Most of the people I knew went online. And what I realized was that people LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,LOVE to masterbate. People kept coming online asking me where and how to get porn. I was like the porno expert, next thing you know i'm giving out tips on how to download the longest clips to maximize their masterbatory experience.
Now, if you know anything about the Keish, you know that I might have a lil stash hidden on my computer of probably every degenerate sex act known to man. Even if I don't like them. Well, except for gay sex, men just look like giant bears doing the nasty and i'm not into National Geographic. But anyway, by like 2pm all the way thru to the night, I was like Porno Claus; giving way the gift of group sex, anal, cumshots, black porn, white porn, etc. I felt good knowing that, at that moment many people were happy, and if they can sustain themselves from self orgasming, they would be happy for a loooooooooooooooong time (3-4 extra minutes tops).
I do it, cause thats the kind of person I am.
Merry "feeling yourself up",
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:36 AM
Extreme Makeover...Blog Edition
As you can see, my face wasn't the only thing to be done over...
The Blog Assasin gave my blog an extreme makeover, which I'm grateful for. We ran into some issues due to Internet Explorer and Blogger messing with the positioning of everything. Which got me thinking I should switch over to Firefox, a new web browser that everyone is raving about. I tried it, it seems cool, but I'm glad you Internet Explorer users can also see the site, and you can continue to hold out on switching browsers...
I just wanted to thank the Blog Assasin for hooking me up!
What do you
think about the new look?
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:59 PM
I am Cheesus and I spread the gospel that is cheese.
It is written in the Book of Jilltwiss.blogspot.com that 3 Wise Men brought gifts unto the Baby Cheesus: Cheddar, Munster, and Bleu. I am the same Cheesus that madeth the face of Virgin Mary appear on a grilled cheese sandwich on Ebay. To pay homage to the grilled cheese sandwiches I will be hosting a pilgrimage to Grilled Cheese NYC, a restaurant in the lower east side that sells only grilled cheese sandwiches and variations of it. I got this vision from the Food Channel angels that these people were doing the good works of I, Cheesus.
Together, We will walk up the Swiss mountain top and drink from the Kraft Rivers and shredded mozzerella shall dry the tears of the poor. Cheesus will never part a sea of cheese because it deserves to be basked in, like cheese topped garlic bread.
And when you have a problem choosing an item on a menu; ask yourself: "What would Cheesus do?" And then you can proceed to pick anything made of, topped with, or stuffed with cheese.
I do not forsake my lactose intolerant children, Cheesus has many alternatives, unfortunatly Soy Cheese is the Devil's work and you should risk constipation or diarrhea to show respect to me.
Cheesus Loves You. Amen.
Posted by TastyKeish at 2:08 AM
Here I am, 5 weeks post op. Still getting used to the new lip and nose. When it completely heals, i'll put up a nice before and after so you all know what i'm talking about. Peace n Love,
Posted by TastyKeish at 11:47 PM
I Got Served...
I got served with papers through the mail yesterday. Apparently I'm being SUED. BY A DAMN HOSPITAL!!!
Turns out that in 2001, I got some emergency room care that wasn't paid for by my "insurance provider". Those bloodsucking freaks known as healthcare in America, the bastards can't help you get well unless you're poor or rich. Poor people get shitty healthcare in second rate hospitals and me who is in the middle-class isn't eligible for medicaid can't get anything at all. Rich people just think about getting sick and they have a doctor knocking before they can cough.
So I get served with papers and now I have to goto court for almost dying. Excuse me for wanting to live. And don't give me that bullshit about how I don't want to pay for my services because I'm a nurse and yea I do like getting paid. But why should I pay 150 dollars for D5W to be pumped thru my veins? You know what that is? It's expensive sugar water, I can get that for about 25 cents at any local bodega. Here's another one: almost a thousand dollars to be in the emergency room, you know what I was doing there? Waiting.There's more but my brain is gonna explode if I write anymore, and I might have to goto the hospital for them to put my brain back in my head.
And we can't have that.
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:23 AM
Methinks I have the Flu...
Turns out that going out with your mom for the whole day isn't a good idea especially if she's coughing and you're driving around with the windows up. I was just basking in her germs. The next day she was so worse off she was making sounds like a dying animal in between coughs. I didn't think anything of it til last night when I started making the dying animal sounds and coughing.
So, I promise to be back when my eyes don't hurt from looking at the computer screen.
Posted by TastyKeish at 3:35 PM
Hollywood can't keep it real...
Let's talk about marriage....in Hollywood.
What is up with these people???
First of all, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up, big deal..yea if you read the "Daily News" it is. They were on the front page for Christ's sake. Forget about teachers that rape students or the over exposed tsunami situation even...Jen and Brad have broken up! They have more money than I can make flashing my naked ass on the internet and I should care about them? I'm not gonna lie though, I thought they might make it but turns out he wanted a baby and she was too busy to be the baby oven. Lemme get this straight, Brad Pitt's biological clock is ticking? He should adopt some of those tsunami orphans, they can use a rich daddy right about now...
Lets move on, i'm ranting now. Star fuckin Jones and Ol' whats his name. Her wedding was tackier than the guy she married. Way overdone, too many (celebrity) bridesmaids; she probably didn't know them all personally she just called some famous guests that were on "The View". Many of her decorations and services weren't even purchased, she traded them for a shoutout on "The View". Tacky, tacky, tacky. Oh and she actually looks better when she's overweight and her husband after 6months of dating proposed to her. He's an opportunist! Good for him, unfortunatley for her he admitted to having relationships with men in the past. That shows how small her pool of prospective husbands was. I can almost guarantee that this marriage breaks up ala Liza Minelli beating up her husband David Gest.
I know this is old but I can't help myself: Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. They got their names tattoo'ed onto each other's ring finger. Idiots. Also I saw the sex video and her privates look like lasagna. Maybe he got tired of eating at the Olive Garden...
Let's get on JLo's ass (wouldn't you love to, lol) she a good wholesome girl, from "da streets"....hell no she's not. She's an engagment/wedding ring collector, she probably got more ice than Jacob the Jeweler. That whole Ben Affleck thing was crazy; how do you go on television...not just television- "DATELINE" and tell people how he did all that gay rose petal on the floor thing and gave u a ring bigger than your left ass check, then break up the next day? Honestly, America wasn't ready for them to happen, eventhough white people like her it was still interracial and thats why they gave it so much attention, because when she married Marc Anthony a fellow latin fireball, the media could care less.
Posted by TastyKeish at 3:34 AM
As you can see, i've come a long way from 3 weeks ago. The swelling is going down and the stitches are slowly dissolving from...everywhere. (You can scroll down to earlier dates to see the pics that led to me to this point)
Today I went to see the doctor so she could check out the damage and I told her I smelled a nasty odor from the right nostril. She deduced that it was time to take the splints (you gotta realize, they are the size of extra large guitar picks) out of my nose; they were holding the wall of my nose straight so I can breathe in the future. I'm happy just cause i'm getting something taken out and that sounds good to me. She tells me to lean back, takes a few stitches out which hurt alil, but I handle it like the P.I.M.P that I am. Next she's goes for the left nostril with a little clampy thing and fiddles somewhat and pulls out the first one, it hurts like someone ripping all your nose hair out with masking tape. But it's the right nostril that turns a hardcore thug like me into a....shall we say "punk biotch". She went in with the clamp and it was different, it hurt right away not like pulling nose hair but like pulling out the nerves themselves. I cried, I squeezed the nurse's hand til it went blue (i think), I even kicked out a leg. After it was all done, I was shaking so bad I had a cup of coffee (shotcallers like me don't drink coffee, but she didnt keep Cristal in her office).
Just wanted to share.
Posted by TastyKeish at 2:19 AM
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night I didn't feel the New Year's spirit till this morning. I was so hung over. Nothing makes a New Year like drinking with your dad at a family party. I tried to get my mom drunk too, but by my third drink I forgot all goals I had for the night. This morning, I woke up too early this morning because I spent too much time at the food table with the shrimp cocktail, ended up almost breaking my neck trying to get to the bathroom from my luxurious attic bedroom. All in all, not a bad time.
I have nothing bad to say about the year we just left behind. It was good to me.
I only regret switching cell phone carriers.
I went to London in the summer for five weeks, I met alot of cool people (cuz i'm a baller).
I finished my last semester of college (2 grades still pending).
I had my last two surgeries, i'm successfully catching up to Michael Jackson's nose.
My boyfriend moved to Florida, talking some crap about a better life, blah, blah, blah. It's all good, he just better get a house with a walk in closet.
That's it no resolutions, I don't have weight to lose, no kids to promise to take to the zoo, no eating disorders to stop.
I have a plan for 2005, the year for change. Stay Tuned.
Posted by TastyKeish at 1:49 PM
No blogroll yet, but it's on its way!