Where Keish is more than an obscure food!

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I'm awesome. See how it doesn't rain on me when I walk down the street in a storm? That's cause I sold my soul to the devil.

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Ipods and public transportation don't mix...


The news has been reporting a rash of Ipod related crimes unrelated to stealing mp3's but Ipod getting physically taken from people.
Since I don't have an Ipod (no fm radio=no deal) I can only imagine that people are jogging or riding the train enjoying their music with the notorious white headphones on. Some might even have it in their hands spinning that dial with their thumbs, never guessing they are about to get JACKED.
My friend witnessed this happen on the way to campus, a ride I personally have taken a million times and said these guys cornered a girl and just took the her Ipod in front of the whole train. I can understand minding your own business, but the other passengers chastised THE VICTIM for even having an Ipod. They got on her case for using her PORTABLE music player so she wouldn''t have to listen to their inane blather and to help tune out of their body odors on the long ride to the last stop of the 2 train.
She just sat there embarrased. I would have started stealing their purses and shit and saying you shouldn't be carrying handbags if you don't want to get robbed.

I really hate people more and more everyday.


Posted by TastyKeish at 5:59 PM
8 comments

 

Got my degree....

and apparently I still ain't shit.

That seems to be the general concensus within the aunts, uncles, and grandparents of the family.
Picture this: You walk in to the house ready to show off your brand new diploma you worked hard for five years to get, with no financial help, almost suffering a nervous breakdown (as many students do at one point or another). Anyway, you show them and you're met with a lukewarm response "Nice. So what, now you can be a teacher?" (I got my BA in Tv/Radio, with intentions to become a radio DJ).

At this point I'm like, did i just get shit thrown in my face or is that supposed to be a compliment?

Turns out they all want me to remain in nursing where with the proper credentials I can make a gazillion bajillion trillion dollars doing crap work that I don't want to do for the rest of my life (no offense to nurses, I just need a career change). While holding my brand spanking new degree, I was even blackmailed into going back to school for nursing! Everyone shouldn't be so concerned with all the money I could be making, cause I'm not gonna lend it to them.

With family like this.....I should just kill myself.


Posted by TastyKeish at 8:07 AM
3 comments

 

Woof, Woof...

I'm always looking for something new to watch on tv and I'll be damned if I saw a show on the National Geographic Channel called The Dog Whisperer. It shows people with crazy dogs and they get help for them. One Dog had Obsessive Complusive Disorder and ran so much around the house he made a path in the yard. A 160 pound Lab was scared of shiny floors cuz he ran into a glass window he thought wasn't there, so the owners had to carry around a carpet so he would go into places with shiny floors. There was a tiny Chihauhua that was the devil himself, I thought his head was gonna start spinning.

Ceasar Milan, is the host. He is The Dog Whisperer. He says cute things like "How you are doing today?", instead of " How are you doing today?". He' s a miracle worker, the reason I don't change the channel is cause i'm convinced his latin accent is what cures the dogs. But he does have some logical cures like walking the dog the right way. And running 50mph into a building with shiny floors with 160lb dogs. He must have said a prayer on the devil dog, cause it was sweet as honey by the end of the show.

I don't care much for dogs. But I do love CRAZY dogs. Oh and Cesar, If you're reading this, call me. You Sexy bastard, you.


Posted by TastyKeish at 6:13 PM
3 comments

 

Waking Nightmare...

You know about Cheesus, you know about Porno Claus, but I had another vision.

That of the Chocolate Cupcake. It came to me in a dream where I had a mountain of snack foods
in my living room and like the greedy bastard I am, I was working hard to horde them in my closet before my parents came home.
My issue was not being able to wait and just devouring the candies and snacks I had never had before reaching my room. It was at that moment I bit into a chocolate cupcake covered with chocolate icing and... LIME FILLING!!!
DO YOU HEAR ME? LIME FILLING DAMMIT!
I never heard of such a choco-citrus combo, and here it was squirting into my mouth, coating, my teeth, and loving every passing second. And as luck would have it, that's when my parents came home and I made one last dash for the bedroom closet with my goddies. This is the part of the dream where my mom would find me slumped in the closet with a combination of spit and drool going down my chin and my hands in my pants celebrating Chocolate Cupcake with LIME filling ecstacy.

And then I woke up. Woke up in a cruel world where there are only regular chocolate cupcakes with that sorry ass twinkie filling. Now I have nothing to live for.


Posted by TastyKeish at 1:59 PM
5 comments

 

Mmmm, Mmmm Good...

There are many duties a woman has to her husband, boyfriend, or pimp. Like microwave dinner, beat the children, have "sex". Sex is great, I don't have mysterious headaches or sudden heart attacks ala Fred Sanford that stop me from riding the magic love pony.

My issue is oral sex, i just can't seem to stop getting lock jaw right at that height of passion, when he looks as me and the general direction of his love pony. And just when I think I have him trained to safely operate machinery without a daily b.j, CNN tells me semen helps prevent breast cancer. I thought semen was only good for my skin, now I have to re-evaluate his aim.

The article explained that during their study they found that the women who ingest and digest versus those who didn't had a lower occurence for breast cancer. I guess I can no longer use my braces as an excuse not to felliate...I'll just do like with vegetables and close my eyes and swallow.

Read the article @ www.whatsupwithmen.com/cnn.html


Posted by TastyKeish at 5:59 PM
8 comments

 

Working Girl....

I would write about my new job, but I been reading about people who get fired for writing about their jobs, so i'm just gonna say the "Cha- Ching" and leave it at that.

Unlike that dumb flight attendent that took inappropriate pics of herself on a the plane she worked on, she was actually surprised she got fired. She tried to be sexy in a few but could really use a push up bra, that was her first mistake. Then she was sitting across the top of a row of seats, if she didnt get fired for being an idiot, she should have gotten fired for abusing company furniture.

I'm gonna look for the link again, so I can post it up. Stupidity at it finest.

Feel free to link the dumbest reasons for getting fired for blogging.


Posted by TastyKeish at 1:03 AM
5 comments

 

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